Having to start all over is NO fun!

It is coming up on New Years Eve 2013. Now for most people that is a time to reflect on the year that is passing and also a time to look forward to what the coming year has in store. It is a time millions of people all over the world make New Years Resolutions. If we are all honest most New Years Resolutions last for a relatively short period of time. There is the occasional resolution that makes it a little longer that most. Last year I made a promise to myself that I was going to work towards a healthier me. It wasn't that much different from resolutions I had made each and every year for the past 20 plus years. The difference being I did not make a resolution to lose weight. I had done that every year before and every year before I had failed. Last year I made the resolution to work towards a healthier me. Well I can honestly tell you that I have accomplished that resolution! I am very proud of all the hard work and dedication I have put into making this resolution a reality. I am FAR, FAR away from where I want to be. I know though that by the choices I have made over the past year I can just keep moving forward into 2014.

I have made great strides during the past year. Little changes amount to good things. The weekend after Thanksgiving I came done with the stomach flu. The timing of this bug was very stressful. It was exactly one week before my daughters wedding!!!!!! It made the rounds to everyone in my house. Thankfully we were all fine by the wedding. The wedding was absolutely BEAUTIFUL. It was PERFECT. When I first started my blog I spoke of how I wanted to feel comfortable on her wedding day. I can tell you that I felt very good on her wedding day. I felt comfortable in my dress and comfortable taking pictures. This alone is a big deal for me. After the wedding I new I had to get back to my schedule. It was a bit altered with wedding preparations and then getting hit with that awful bug. I went to my training on the Monday after the wedding. My trainer had come up with a new plan for me as I have the Half Marathon coming up in January. I was ready to get on this new plan. I was happy. I went to the gym the following day feeling good, feeling happy. Then it happened……. I woke up on Wednesday morning and I could hardly move. Not in pain from the gym but I was SICK! AGAIN!!! This time it was a respiratory illness. I had a high fever, body aches, chills, cough, you name it and I had it. I thought I would surely feel better the following day. No such luck! This went on for over a week and a half and then I knew I had to go to the Doctor. Well my Doctor had me in his office every day for a week. I received a steroid shot and an antibiotic shot everyday plus he put me on oral antibiotics. He told me I was a very, very sick girl. GREAT!! I will be honest here, I was more than freaking out a bit. I couldn't stop thinking about the Marathon. I have trained for months towards this goal. When you stop you can not just start back up where you left off, it doesn't work that way. Especially for someone that is 49 years old and really fairly new to working out. My mind was really doing a number on me. My Doctor knows of my plans and we spoke about it. He told me that I am not going to rebound quickly because I was so sick. He told me that I will be short of breath for awhile and the cough will linger most likely. He also stressed to me that I can not push myself to hard due to the lungs just not wanting to cooperate. He asked me what is the worst thing that can happen at the Marathon???? I thought about it for a minute and said, a couple things. I won't be able to finish and my family will be there to see me fail. He looked at me and said, " Listen you are not going to fail. You need to just alter your thoughts. Even if you walk EVERY SINGLE STEP of this marathon you are accomplishing something that you would NEVER have been able to do last year at this time. Period! There is nothing wrong with that. You have to put your health first. Worrying about the things you can't do right now are only causing you more stress. You need to just take it one day at a time and do ONLY what your body can do. You need to be proud of how far you have come over this past year.  Most people can not walk 13.1 miles easily." I agreed with him. I left his office reflecting back on his words to me.

In Life everything doesn't always work out the way we want it to. There are roadblocks and detours along the way. There are struggles with all kinds of things. I had to look at this as a detour. So life just threw me a curve in the road. I could either let this detour stop me or just slow me down a bit. It was my choice. So I decided that I just needed to alter my thoughts and get right back up and try again.

I think it fits right in with the upcoming New Year. Starting over. That is what I will do. I will look back on this past year with a feeling of pride. I will look back at the changes I have made in my life and feel good about them. I think back to the 5k I participated in. That is something I definitely could not have done last year. I will look ahead to the coming year will anticipation. The year is like a blank canvas for me to paint however I chose. Making small changes in my everyday life can amount to big changes health wise.

I hope the New Year holds great things for everyone. Health, happiness and love. That is really what life is all about. Enjoy each and everyday. Happy New Year!

Far from where I want to be but farther than I once was......

When it comes to making changes in your life depending upon what those changes are, they can either be easy or they can be difficult. The way you look at the changes that you are wanting to make can have a lot to do with your ability to make the changes. I remember hearing that the things in life worth having do not come easy, you must work for them. I am finding out the truth to that. If you are working towards a healthy lifestyle then you will find out that it is not always an easy thing to achieve. It will require much work and dedication. I do believe at least for myself that it will all be worth it. 

I have said before that I am a list maker. I make lists all of the time. There is something about making a list that brings me to a level of calm. If I have a list going then I feel that I will not forget anything. Earlier this year I decided to make a special list. A list of some specific goals that I have. I look at my list often and it serves as a reminder of just what I want to achieve for myself. I feel that by looking at my list often I will be able to stay on track. I believe that so many times in life we all have the best of intentions. We all want to achieve things but for one reason or another life throws us a curve ball and we get a bit off track. Sometimes we can all together lose our desire to reach a certain goal and maybe come up with another goal instead. That is OK. Life changes every single day. When you wake up in the morning you have another blank canvas to paint on in any way you wish! I have been able to keep a focus on my goals. I have also added new goals as I go along.

I have found myself being able to look at things in a different light. I am not so stuck on the scale. In fact I do not step on it as often as you would think a person with a weight loss goal would. I learned very early on in this journey of mine that the scale is not an accurate measure of success. In fact it is often the opposite. It can be your worst enemy! In our society much is made out of certain numbers on the scale. If you are not in a certain number range than you are considered less than. Whatever that means! I can tell you that for me being overweight is not easy. It comes with many bad feelings. It comes with many insecurities. It comes with looks from others and words that hurt. Simple things like going shopping for new clothes becomes a stressful experience. Self doubt can fill your head. I know all of these things to well. I have been working very hard to bring about change in my life. I have had to make time for taking care of myself. This was very, very hard for me because my job is to take care of my family. Not feeling healthy myself was a wake up call to me. It scared me. I had to do something about it. I had to change. I had to make different choices for myself. The changes I had to make were not easy ones.

I can tell you that looking back to one year ago I have made great strides. There is no way that I could have done the things I am currently doing last year. I have people ask me all the time how my training is going. I find myself explaining things to them. I always end up telling them that I could not have done what I am doing now a year ago. I have a very long way to go. I am not fooling myself. I am not close to where I want to be at all. The thing is that I am so far from where I once was that I am so proud of that. Everyone has good days and bad days. They happen to everybody no matter what they are doing in life. When a bad day comes along I have to remember all the good days that have happened. I think that is true for everyone. Sometimes it's easy to forget. I think it is important to be proud of how far you have come without being over shadowed of how far you have left to go.

 

Celebrate each little step of progress when it happens. Have you heard the saying " Rome wasn't built in a day? " Well life is the same way. No matter what your goals might be do not wait until you reach them to take pride in yourself. Be proud of every single step you take along the way!

Enjoy the entire journey! Life is a wonderful thing. Be happy, be proud and do whatever makes you happy! No goal is too big! If you can dream it you can do it.

My first 5 k! Boy what a day!

 Last April I began a journey. It has been filled with many things. It has made me see a very different side to myself. A side that I never knew existed. A strong determined side. I laid out some very specific goals. I continue to work hard everyday to reach them. Changing my left one step at a time. Learning along the way that I have been very blessed with people who support me. My husband and girls are at the top of that list. The list is one that I am very grateful for. On the list of supporters are my parents, my brother and sister, my nieces and nephews, my Aunt, and my friends. Some friends I haven't seen in years and others I see all the time. As the time for my first 5k approached I was blown away by the messages of support and good luck that I received. Many messages on Facebook and through email. I received a couple beautiful plants with special wishes. I can not even begin to tell any of you just how special these wishes were to me. I greatly appreciate everyones gestures.

Aren't these plants and special crafty touches so ADORABLE???? I LOVE them! I am going to do something special with both the sign and the pennant banner. I can't wait to do it and share it with you!

 Last Saturday night I knew I needed to get to sleep. I knew I wanted to have a good sleep. I had to get up very early to be downtown for the Peace Officer Memorial run. It was my very first event and I just wanted to be well rested. Well let me just say that wasn't going to happen.  I had talked with my brother before hand and he told me don't stress or think to much about it before that day. I didn't think that I was worrying at all. In fact I thought I was in a pretty good place. Well apparently my body thought it didn't need as much sleep as I had planned on. It also thought why don't we let Teresa dream strange dreams tonight. I actually woke up about 15 minutes before my alarm went off. I just got up and started my morning.  On the way to the race my husband asked me if I was excited. I told him yes. I was excited. Once we arrived I looked around for my friends. I found several of them. Some running, some were just there with their families. We were just listening to the Opening Ceremonies and then it was time. The Half Marathon runners left first. As we all lined up I started speaking to a nice lady beside me. I asked her if this was her first 5k. She said she had been in several. She told me that she would be the person that finished last. I'm going to be honest I was relieved to hear that. In my mind my fear was that I would be the last person to finish. Pretty soon they said those magic words, READY, SET, GO!!!!!!!!

  At the beginning I just tried to settle in. I wanted to be comfortable. There are all kinds of people that participate. Many are walkers and then some people do run the entire length, which in this particular case was 3.15 miles. Now the runners finish as early as 20 minutes. These are people that run all the time and are very quick! I just wanted to take this race one step at a time. I knew why I was there. I was there because it was a goal of mine to participate in this particular race. I wanted to honor the memory of our friend CHP Officer Earl Scott.  Let me tell you to me the first mile seemed WAY longer than a normal mile. Once I reached it I felt good.  I could feel people all around me. I could hear them. Many running, walking and talking. I do not run outside with an iPod. I know many people that do. I made the choice not to use an iPod while running outside after speaking with my brother. He uses one on the treadmill but not outside. He likes to be aware of what is happening around him. I think it is much safer. For me I am not a very coordinated person. The last thing I have any business doing is trying to adjust my music or my earphones while trying to run. This would just be a recipe for disaster. I did notice that many people that participated in the Half Marathon did not have iPods. I do ALWAYS carry my phone when I am out.

As the race progressed I just NEVER wanted to look behind me. The thought of looking behind me scared me. I did not want to look back there and see a couple people. I just kept my head forward and my feet moving. I knew that at mile 2 there was a water station. I just kept looking ahead to that. About 2 blocks before the mile 2 marker and water station there were volunteers handing out water bottles so I took one had a sip and just kept moving. I passed through the mile 2 water station and volunteers were cheering everyone on. At different points throughout the course there would be people with cowbells and signs and they were all cheering. I thought this was so awesome! With just about a half a mile left to go there were two girl volunteers cheering and yelling at the runners so and so is waiting for you at the finish line. Just shouting out names of different celebrities. When I was right in front of them they yelled out " Ryan Gosling is waiting for you at the finish line! " I got a big kick out of this because I actually have a saying that says that posted on one of my Pinterest Boards. My daughter Alissa and I love him. As I turned the corner onto the final stretch of the race I became filled with excitement. I could see the finish line. This was what I have been working towards. Then I looked over and saw my husband and my youngest daughter Holly. As I got closer I could see that Holly had run up a couple of blocks. The look on her face was awesome. It was right then that I began to get emotional. I could see her big smile.

She actually ran out to me and grabbed my hand and ran with me almost all the way in to the finish line. She kept telling me how proud she was of me.  She told me you can do this Mommy! She told me to finish strong just like Chris tells you. She has been with me to some of my training sessions and listens to everything that Chris tells me to do. I really couldn't talk. I could feel her love. It was AWESOME! A little bit before the finish line she let go of my hand and went around to the other side. As I crossed the finish line I had such a rush of feelings. I DID IT!!!! I accomplished what I have been working towards for months. It was such a rewarding and amazing feeling. I received my medal and a banana and some water.

 


As I came around the other side my oldest daughter Tiffany was waiting there for me. My husband was able to snap a few pictures. I was so happy that Tiffany could be there. After I was done I went over to the chairs that my family were sitting in. I sat there and watched the rest of the 5k. As I began to relax I noticed that there were a lot of people left in the 5k. I realized I finished ahead of many people. This was a great feeling. The lady that I met before the race really was the last person to finish the race. We all cheered very loud for her.

Here I am with my medal. I was so happy! A couple days later I made this shadow box as a keepsake. I placed my shirt, bib and medal inside. It is now hanging on the wall in my craft room. I can enjoy looking at it everyday and feel proud of my accomplishment.

I LOVE this saying... It is so true.

I think for me I can honestly say that 1 year ago there would have been NO WAY possible for me to do this. I have worked very hard to change my lifestyle. There are days that it is very hard and then there are days just like this one where I feel like my hard work has helped me achieve something that I could only have imagined before. As I continue this journey towards a healthier life I will look back on this day with much pride. I will remember how it feels to overcome something that I once felt impossible. I will also remember that my life is my dream in the making. I will build on that dream one step at a time........

Fresh from my Garden....Stuffed Bell Peppers

I love having a garden. Last week I had a nice harvest of 6 bell peppers. I knew right away exactly what I wanted to use them for. Stuffed Bell Peppers! I know that the days of my summer garden are coming to and end so I am trying to savor each and every thing that I harvest. When you make stuffed bell peppers you can put anything inside that you like. There are no rules. I will share the recipe that I made up. 

I like to make a sauce first. My family enjoys rice so I serve the bell peppers over rice topped with the sauce. I start by chopping up mushrooms and fresh basil. I also chop up a clove or two of garlic. I start by putting the garlic in my skillet with a little bit of Olive Oil. I sauté the garlic until lightly browned and then I add the mushrooms. I also use a bit of sea salt at this time. 

I add diced tomato at this point. I use 1 large can. I like to add a little bit of sugar to my sauce. Using sugar helps to counter act the acid from the tomatoes. I use about a teaspoon. I let this sauce simmer for about 20 minutes. The sauce is ready after this.

For the filling I make some rice and just eyeball the amount I like to use to put inside the pepper. I had some baked chicken left over so I chopped it all up and mixed this with some sauce and rice. I do not use a lot of rice but you can use whatever amount you would like.

I then get out my fresh Parmesan cheese and grate away. Once it is grated I set it aside until I am ready for it.

Below is a picture of my mixture that will go inside of the bell peppers. This time I decided to add a small can of diced olives. It helped to give the filling a little something extra. I cut the tops of the bell peppers off and clean out the inside and begin to stuff them.

I put the remaining sauce in the bottom of a pyrex baking dish and place the stuffed peppers on top. I will then top the peppers off with the freshly grated parmesan cheese. I place them into a 350 degree oven for approximately 30 minutes.

The mixture will be bubbling and the cheese will be a light brown color. I remove them from the oven and let them sit a couple of minutes before serving.

My family likes to have their bell peppers served over a bed of rice with some sauce. This is a very healthy and filling dish. I have to say that if there are any left overs they taste even better the next day. There is just something about cooking with sauces that makes them taste even better the next day. This dish is always a crowd pleaser at my house. I can't wait until I have another batch of bell peppers to bring in from my garden.

  I have a busy week ahead of me. My first 5k is coming up on Sunday. To be honest I am starting to get a bit excited about it. I have no idea what to expect. I just know that I am going to go out there and do the very best that I can. I am not in competition with anybody. I am doing this for me. With each step that I take I will be thinking of my friend that lost his life in the line of duty as well as all of the other law Enforcement Officers in our County that have lost their lives in the line of duty. It is a day of remembrance and a way to honor them. It should be a very nice day.

Feeling very thankful and also very blessed.....

When I first started this journey I kept it mainly to myself. My husband and girls knew what I was working towards but other than that not a single person. I explained my reason as to why I needed it to be that way. Since I started my blog and let others know of my journey I have received so much encouragement. I can not begin to express exactly what that means to me. When I started back at the gym I was nervous of everything. I did not want to be looked at by physically fit people in a negative way. I knew that the only way for me to work towards my goal was to be there doing what made me most uncomfortable. I quickly realized that I didn't care what anybody there might be thinking of me or my shape and size. I knew how I was feeling about myself, proud. It takes real commitment to do what I had embarked on. The way that I feel about the gym now is a totally different feeling than a few months ago. I do not find it a scary place. I am not uncomfortable there. I don't feel as if others are judging me. I feel good about being there. It is a part of my life 5 days a week now. 

I have been touched by so many different people. I have received so much encouragement. I get messages from people, likes on my facebook page and comments left on my blog. My friend Nancy leaves me encouraging messages and will even post fitness inspiration to my facebook page. I have known Nancy since we were in Kindergarten. She inspires me with her routine. She works hard. My Mom and Dad ask me all the time how things are going. They are very supportive. My Aunt will read my posts or my blog and always leave me an encouraging reply. I am also blessed by the support I have received from my friends. I have a group of friends that will ask me how things are going on a regular basis. There are no words to describe how much this support means to me. I appreciate it so much.


As I am getting ready for my first 5k I have mixed emotions. I am nervous and I am excited. To most people a 5k might not sound like a big deal but to me it is HUGE! I know full well that to many people 3.1 miles is nothing big. Easy peasy. To me I do not look at it that way. To me it may as well be 10 miles. My friend that participates in events a lot has told me many times that this is a big deal. She tells me often that she is proud of me. I recently had a Birthday. I turned 49 years old. I received a very special gift from a very special friend. I read the card and as I was reading it  I started to cry. She told me that she wanted me to know if she had not already had plans with a certain famous singer ( Justin Timberlake. She LOVES him ) that she would be there at the finish line cheering me on when I run my first Half Marathon in January at my very favorite place on this entire planet, Disneyland. She got me this beautiful necklace. It will remind me every single time that I wear it of the words she wrote in my card. I will definitely be wearing it in January so I can feel her there with me at the finish line. It is a gift that I will treasure always.

I just wanted to take this post and let everyone know just how much your encouragement means to me. I feel very lucky and very blessed to have so many people in my life that believe in me. It truly means the world to me.

Slow and steady win the race.....

In today's world filled with fast food, fast internet, fast everything it is very easy to expect everything to have a fast pace. It's human nature. People want what they want and they want it now. My children all lead active lives. It is my job to take good care of them and meet their needs. I enjoy being a Mom. There is nothing that I love more that being their Mom. When I was growing up I always knew that I wanted to be a housewife and a Mom. I learned from the best! My Mom is AWESOME! Being a Mom is not for the weak hearted. It is the toughest job in the world but also the most rewarding. All 3 of my girls often are very impatient for what they want. They want what they want and they want it now a lot of times. I get that. Again it is the whole human nature thing. Over the years I have tried to teach them that fast is not always the way to go. Sometimes we have to take slower steps and work towards whatever it might be that they were striving for. It is not always an easy point to get them to see or understand. As an adult there are times I don't understand it. I mean shouldn't results come really fast if you are working really hard? Well simply put the answer to that is a great big NO! 

I have been working very hard over the past 4 months to change my life. It is not an easy thing to do. It takes EVERYTHING that I have inside each and every day. I have very good days and then I also have very hard days. It goes with the territory with any big change you might be working on. For some people watching what they eat is never hard. Some people don't even have to think about what goes on their plate everyday. I am NOT one of those people. Food for me is something that I have to plan out. I have to plan ahead for everything throughout my day. I am on the run transporting my daughter to and from school as well as various activities and I can not be without a plan. I make sure I do not leave the house hungry because that NEVER turns out good! I find myself having good weeks and  S-L-O-W weeks. I don't want to call them bad weeks because that isn't the right word for it. I have not slipped backwards on my journey. I have to remember that the weeks that I might consider S-L-O-W are still weeks that there is progress. If you remember from back when I started my blog I said the the number on the scale was just a number. I will not be defined by a number. All that still holds true. I think that in this fast paced life it is natural to want to see results right now. It is hard to be patient sometimes.

How many people have been hooked on getting to a certain number on the scale??? I can tell you with great certainty it is most people. The world we live in stresses the scale and the numbers on it. We all see the models, the movie stars, the singers and people in magazines that are thin. We all hear about this new medication or this new procedure that offers ways of getting to that "number" quickly. In most cases it is all a scam. A way for these companies to make a quick buck off of people. There are many, many people that have to resort to surgical procedures as a way to help save their lives. Society would have people believe that being that certain number on the scale is what is acceptable. It is what everyone should be. I am here to tell you that is simply a bunch of hog wash! Who is ANYBODY to tell others what number on the scale they should be?

I can tell you from my own experience that I have allowed others over the years to make me feel less than  because I was not at what they considered to be an acceptable number on the scale. It is not a very good feeling. I made the decision a few months back that I was only going to concern myself with how I feel health wise. I was not going to be at war with the scale as I had been so many times before. The scale is a heartless witch! You can work like crazy and it will NOT move sometimes. It's as if once you step on it and settle in it shouts right up at you " HAHAHAHAHA" Well I refuse to let that happen to me this time! There are weeks that I see the scale move and then there are weeks that I don't. I had to learn to be OK with that. I had to trust myself with how I was feeling physically. I had to get in tune with my body. I also had to come up with a different way to measure my progress.

I decided that the best way for me to monitor my progress was to keep a journal. I started writing my weight each week. I only get on that scale once a week. I know many people get on it more than that but for me I will not do that. I also keep a journal of my exercise and of my food and water intake. I also keep my measurements. I have found that the truest way to mark my progress is from my measurements. I have seen progress over the course of this journey. It is a great feeling when I find that I can do something at the gym that I have never been able to do before. That is a great feeling of accomplishment. My Doctor told me that even though people want to see weight loss results quickly he does not. He says the faster you lose the weight the quicker it can come back as well as extra weight. If there is one thing I do not want or need is extra weight!He said that losing weight too quickly is not good for your health. He told me that a slow and steady approach to weight loss is the key. He said " Slow and steady wins the weight loss race!"

I feel that change, no matter what change you might be working towards, it is a process. It can sometimes be a slow process. To me progress slow or otherwise is progress! What ever your personal journey is just remember to keep going.  Don't give up!

Making progress.....it's such a good feeling!!

This journey towards a healthy lifestyle is definitely not always an easy one. It is one that requires so much dedication and hard work. In the end though it will be worth every single ounce of sweat. Once I am actually at the point of reaching my goal I know that it will not stop there. This new way will be THE WAY for me from here on out. I am finding that even the smallest of changes can have a big impact on how I feel. Whether it is something small like not adding extra salt to my food or something on a much larger scale for me like exercising they all add up to me feeling better physically. That is what I am striving for. As I have said from the beginning of my journey I am not trying to get down to a certain number on the scale. That is not what this is all about. I am trying to get to a point where I feel comfortable with myself day in and day out. I am trying to get to a place where I feel physically well not sluggish and tired all of the time. I do not like the feeling of trying to do basic things and being winded. I just want to feel healthy. I am NOT going to let a number on the scale define me. I am far better than some number on the scale. There are many people that have a small number on the scale and they are very unhealthy. Don't get me wrong I am trying to lose weight, trying very hard actually. I just want people to understand that getting down to a certain number is far less important to me than feeling healthy and comfortable with myself.

Today I set off for the gym and my training session with Chris. I always look forward to my sessions. I am never 100 % sure of exactly what he is going to have me working on when I get there but I always know it will get me closer towards feeling better. Today was a great day. I am not sure that I will be able to describe to you fully what I was feeling but I am going to try. I have my first 5k coming up in a little over 5 weeks. I have told you before that I am not a runner. That is always something that I find funny considering what my goals are. When I first started practicing a few things with Chris and he wanted me to run from one side of the room to another it didn't go very well. In fact I nearly fell flat on my face. I am pretty sure I scared the heck out of him that day. I know I scared the heck out of myself. I felt defeated. I mean aren't our bodies made to run, skip and jump?  I am here to tell you the answer to that is definitely NO!!!!! Running is hard. I felt so defeated that day. I felt like there is no way I am going to be able to do this. Chris was not going to let me leave that session feeling defeated. He had me work on some different things that I could do. I have told you before he is an awesome trainer. With each week that passes I just keep working and working towards getting better at the things he is teaching me. Today Chris explained what he was going to have me do. He had a circut set up and I was going to do so many reps and then a quick break and then repeat this same thing for a total of 3 times. I always give it my best shot. Each time though I tire and am completely out of breath at the end where I am actually a bit freaked out because I can not breath. Today that changed..... Today was completely different. Today I could actually see my progress!!!!! I was able to talk to him while performing all of the exercises which I have NEVER been able to do before. Today my form was better and I didn't feel like I was going to pass out when I was done. Today it didn't take me nearly as long to recover in between sets. TODAY WAS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I could not accomplish this last week. To see myself progress is such an amazing feeling. To see my hard work pay off is wonderful. Today I saw myself do things that I could not physically do 2 weeks ago. Chris told me that he wanted me to take in how I was feeling and to remember it. He kept telling me what an awesome job I did today and what a difference he could see in me. He will always give me a fist bump as a sign of a job well done. Today was great because I knew I really earned those fist bumps. 

With every step of my journey to this point my body has been changing both inside and out. There are days that I can hardly move because of the hard work I have put in to this. There are days that I can hardly make it up the stairs and I feel like I am a 90 year old woman. Those days are good days even though I feel like I have been run over by a bus. On days like that it makes me realize that I have worked very hard and my muscles are crying out to me " WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?????" Then there are days like today. Days that I can actually see myself making progress. These are the days I love most. It gives me a mental boost. I think we all need a nice mental boost now and then.

No matter what your particular journey is in life it is important to take time and celebrate your victories no matter how big or how small they might be. A victory is a victory. I think that it is important to remember that change happens slowly in most cases. Slow is good.  Be sure to take it all in. Take a deep breath and do not lose sight of how this feels. When days don't go as easily look back on days like this and know that one day soon progress will be made. In the words of Dori, just keep swimming, just keep swimming! 

Wedding plans in full swing....Now came the day I had been DREADING!!!!!!!

My daughter's wedding is fast approaching. It is a very exciting time for all of us. The wedding planning is so much fun. I went shopping with her several months ago for her wedding gown. It was just the two of us. It was such a special day. I have to say that watching her come out and show me each gown was a very emotional feeling. My little girl has grown up! How did this happen? She is getting married. I took lots of pictures of her in each gown. Front views, side views, back views.  Taking pictures, lots of pictures no matter what the event is just what I do. We were having a great time. Then it happened....out she came in THE DRESS!!!!!!! We both knew right away that it was the dress she was meant to wear. It was almost as if this dress was made especially for her. It is absolutely BEAUTIFUL! We both felt good that we were able to find the dress and get it ordered. Other than the venue this was the most important thing on our list.

With time ticking away I knew this dreaded day would come. The day that I would have to actually go and try on Mother of the Bride dresses. On any given day I do not enjoy shopping. It is something that makes me feel so bad about myself. When I was not over weight I loved to go shopping for clothes. It was always fun. Being a Plus Size person does not offer you the best choices in clothes or styles. I have been very worried about what I would find for the wedding. I know that I did not want it to look tent like at all. I want the dress that I choose to be pretty. I want to feel comfortable wearing it. 

I have been very committed to trying to lose weight and get healthy. I have lost weight and size. I have taken several bags of clothes that no longer fit me because they are too big to The Goodwill. That is always a great feeling! Even though I am having success with my weight I was still very nervous about having to shop for a dress for the wedding. The other day we were looking at the calendar. With just 4 months left until the wedding we knew we had to make a final choice on the bridesmaid dresses and the girls would have to get them ordered and that I would have to find a Mother of the Bride Dress and get it ordered. So here it is...the day that I have been dreading. It has come up and hit me smack dab in the face. Oh well what could I do but just go with it. Tiffany, Holly and I made our way out to check out the Bridal Shops. Any day that I can spend time with any of my girls is always a good day. We walked into the Bridal Shop and looked at the Bridesmaid dresses and decided on the one that Tiffany had previously chosen. She ended up just deciding to go with a different color. Holly tried on a Junior Bridesmaid dress but they are just to small for her. We ended up going with the same dress as the rest of the girls but just adding a little something different. Now it was my turn......I asked about where I should look. The lady pointed me to the section dedicated to Mother of the Bride dresses. I looked and asked if they had a Plus Size section. I was told that there were a few mixed in with all the rest. I was thinking WHAT? A FEW!! I know for sure that I am not the only Mother of the Bride that wears a plus size. So off I went. Looking through each dress. Then it happened I saw a beautiful dress. I looked through each size. The largest one was still 2 sizes below what I am wearing. I took it off the rack anyways. Then I found another dress that was one size below what I was wearing. I thought what the heck I will try these. I put on the first dress and to my surprise it fit me pretty well with the exception that it didn't zip up all the way.  I had Holly come in and help me. Her expression was AWESOME! She said Oh my gosh Mommy this looks beautiful on you! I am not going to lie, that made me feel pretty good. When I came out to show Tiffany she smiled very big. She really loved it!  When  I looked at myself in the mirror I actually smiled. I kept looking at myself standing there. I kept thinking to myself " Wow I didn't think this was possible! It was 2 sizes smaller than  I am currently wearing!" I went back in and proceeded to try on the second dress, the one that was a larger size. It was a very nice looking dress on the hanger and this one fit me with the zipper all the way up but it looked very old fashioned. It didn't suit me. After trying the dresses on the lady at the store told me that I would be fine if I waited to order my dress in a few weeks. So that is my plan. I am going to go back in and place my order in a couple of weeks. I feel very excited about it. I was so happy that the experience was a good one and was totally different than I had anticipated. What a fun day we had!

The main thing that I am finding on my journey towards a healthier lifestyle is that things take time. Nothing happens over night. The body is such a wonderful thing.  It is ever changing. Sometimes the changes are not good but other times the changes are amazing. I feel very proud of what I am accomplishing with the changes I have been making.  I have read many times before that you didn't gain the weight overnight and you aren't going to lose the weight overnight. It is very true. Sometimes when we are working towards a goal we just want it to be accomplished already. That is just human nature. I am learning to embrace very, very small changes as if they are big ones. Change is change no matter what the size. If you are working on changing things, anything in your life these words are ones to keep in mind.

I have grown to love water. It is the main thing that I drink. I enjoy drinking tea as well. I am also a Ryan Gosling fan. This picture makes me smile. If you are familiar with the Hey Girl pictures and quotes this is just another one of them. 

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With every day that passes we are enjoying more and more wedding preparations. It is hard to believe that in 4 months all of this planning will come to an end and the big day will have come and gone. I feel very good about the upcoming events because the thing that I had been dreading the most turned out to have a very nice outcome.

Committing to your goals and finding the strength inside to achieve them.....It's scary.......It's even scarier to let others know exactly what your goals are!

When I first started my blog I spoke about dreams. I think that dreams come in all different shapes and sizes. Some are easily obtained while others take much time and blood, sweat and tears. They vary from person to person. Also the way in which we choose to share are dreams differ greatly from person to person. When I embarked on this journey of change and striving to achieve a healthier lifestyle I made 3 very specific goals. I have only shared these goals with a small group of people. I did not want to disclose my dreams only to fail. I have failed many times in the past at many different things. I am certain that we all have. I am not alone in this category.  I just needed to get to a place where I felt comfortable sharing my goals with others. I first shared these goals with my husband and daughters. I was a little bit nervous because they have seen me succeed but they have also seen the other side. When I told them they were all very happy and very supportive. The next step for me was when I signed up  with my Personal Trainer. At my first meeting with him he asked me if I had any goals. I told him all 3 goals. While we were talking he commented that I had 3 goals all with 3 specific dates. He told me that is a good thing. It helps to have specifics when working towards things. It took me a much longer time to get to this point. The point that I am ready to share my goals with others. I first knew that I needed to share this with my family. I had an opportunity recently to share this with my parents and my brother and sister-in-law and then shortly after that with my sister. I was very nervous because as I have mentioned before these people have lived my life with me and heard me say countless times how I was working to lose weight and the end result was always the same, failure. Well this time failure is NOT an option. 

The goals that I have set for myself are ones that I am totally NOT comfortable with. I have actually never done anything like it before.  The road to making these goals a reality is a VERY, VERY LONG ROAD!  It requires so much time and dedication to get there. It is also something that I know  means so much to me. The first thing you should know before I fill you in on my goals is that I am not a runner. I never have been. My brother is the runner of the family. He is an AWESOME runner. He has run in the Boston Marathon 3 times not to mention countless other marathons. That being said when I actually set my goals I knew that I was way outside my comfortable box. When meeting with my Trainer that first day he asked me about my goals. This is what I told him. I have 3 specific goals. I named them off for him in date order.

1. I want to run in the Peace Officer Memorial 5k in honor of my friend CHP Officer Earl Scott. That date is September 22, 2013.

2. I want to feel comfortable with myself and feel comfortable in pictures at my daughter's wedding. That date is December 7, 2013.

3. I want to run  in the Tinkerbell Half Marathon. That date is january 19. 2014.

My trainer looked at me and said with complete confidence, " AWESOME!" We are going to get you there! He is very supportive but also works me very hard. The picture from below is one that makes me laugh because  it basically suited me. I saw it on my friends blog and I knew that I was going to use it here.  I also want to say to my friends that may be reading this, I was not trying to keep my goals a secret. To me I had to feel comfortable with myself before I felt comfortable enough to share this. You all know that I am not exactly the poster girl for any of these things. I knew that none of you would be judgmental. It is just a really big commitment for me and I needed to get to this point before I could share this.

For those of you that might not know much about me I wanted to share why these specific goals are so important to me. First of all, as I am sure is the case with all of you, my family means everything to me. They are the reason I do everything that I do. So obviously the upcoming wedding is something that means the world to me. I am also a very proud Law Enforcement wife. My husband has been a Law Enforcement Officer since I met him. It has always been our life. It is a life that has brought us great joy, great friends and sadly, great sorrow. Our friend was murdered in the line of duty. Last year a very good friend of mine ran in the Peace Officer Memorial Run to honor him. I was at the finish line as she finished. To say that she inspired me is a complete under statement. I know just how emotional it was for her. I also knew how hard she worked to run in this race. I decided right then and there that I knew it was something that I wanted to participate in. I was not sure when I would do it but I knew that I wanted to. Lastly running in the Tinkerbell Half Marathon, this is a HUGE one for me. I actually spoke about wanting to do this on my old blog nearly 2 years ago. I happened to be in Disneyland for the CHA Convention a couple of years ago when they ran the Innagural Tinkerbell Half Marathon. I LOVE all thing Disney. Disneyland is my most favorite place to be on this entire planet. I have Disney way down deep in my soul. It is as much a part of me as breathing is. That is why I wanted to participate in this event. 

I realize that the goals I have set out for myself are big ones. I have to remain positive and think that I can do this! When I told my parents and brother and sister in law what my goals were I wanted them to know that I was serious about this. It was not something that I was going to just say I wanted to do and then never follow through. I told them how proud that I am of all of them. I said I just wanted to do something so that they would be proud of me. To me it was emotional. I felt good though because I got it out. I told them what I was working towards. They are all very supportive of me.

I am sure that there will be some people that think I will never be able to do this. I can't let those few stop me or discourage me. I have to believe in myself. I have to know without a doubt that no matter what anybody else thinks or feels I am doing this. There is no stopping me.  I decided that now is the right time to talk about this. I have officially signed up for both the Peace Officer Memorial 5k and the Tinkerbell Half Marathon! This is HUGE for me!!!!!

I am in no way shape or form a runner. Running is HARD!!!!!!!!!! I hope that I can continue down the path towards my goals and with each step of the way get a little bit better. I hope that maybe there might be somebody that reads this blog and can draw a little inspiration from it. In life I think that everyone is going through something maybe not the same something as I am but still something. I have found that making changes can be very scary. I think for me letting other people know is even scarier. I will do my best and that's all I can do.

That little voice inside........Don't believe it!

When I first set off on this journey towards a healthier lifestyle I knew that it was not going to be easy. I knew that it was going to take lots of hard work and determination. When it comes to eliminating certain foods from my diet that is relatively easy compared to the change in exercise.  Now I am definitely not saying that cutting back or eliminating certain foods is easy. What I mean is that for a person of my low fitness level increasing my exercise is much harder. I have had to totally revamp my life. I am at the gym 5 days a week. The time that I am there does vary depending on what I have to do that day while I am there. On days that I have Personal Training I am there longer than on the days that I do not. Exercise comes as easy as breathing to some people. I am NOT one of those people. Exercise is HARD! There are times that it hurts and I want to just stop. When I feel like this I have to take a minute and think about how far that I have come since I began this journey. I have come a LONG way.    

No matter what change you are working towards in your own life there will be periods of ups as well as periods of downs. This is all a part of life. I am finding out that even when things seem hard if you think that you can do whatever it is you are trying to do than 9 times out of 10 you will achieve whatever it is you are trying for. When I am at the gym and things are hard I think of our family friend Tony. Tony was a very healthy and athletic guy. He loved life. He LOVED the gym. He didn't understand why everyone didn't love the gym. Tony was killed in a car accident in November. When I get to a point when I feel like stopping before my time is up I think about him. It makes me smile and it also makes me find that thing inside of me that says you can do this. Exercise is physical, no doubt about that, BUT it is also mental. If you think that something is too hard you are more than likely going to quit. It is human nature. There are times during training that I almost feel that I can't do one more rep of what Chris is asking me to do. There are also times that he will ask me to do something and I think that there is NO WAY that I will ever be able to do what he just asked me to do. He told me once that he will not ask me to do anything that he does not believe that I can do. Wow! What confidence he has in me! I think I mentioned before just how awesome of a trainer I have. The thing is though is that he truly believes in me. He encourages me every single step of the way. I think that no matter what you are trying to achieve it is always great to have someone believing in you. It helps to tell that little voice in your head that is saying " There is no way you can do this!!!" to just be quiet! You can do anything that   you set your mind to!

Last week I had training on Thursday. It was a great session. I left the gym feeling like my trainer kicked my butt! I was sore, I was tired, I was out of breath and oh so very sweaty!  I knew that I left nothing there, that I had given it my all. This alone is a good feeling because just 3 months ago I could not have lasted through 1 set of exercises that Chris would have had me do. To see myself making progress it is a very nice feeling. I am convinced that if I can make these changes in my life that absolutely anyone else can to. No matter what it is that you might be working on or wanting to work on. Sometimes that hardest thing is just taking that first step.

On Friday we had to go up to the CHP Academy for a scholarship presentation. My daughter received a scholarship from the 11-99 Foundation. The drive is about 90 minutes. When I went to get out of the car I could hardly move. I thought this isn't good. The drive home was a bit longer due to traffic. When we arrived home getting out of the car was even harder. The following day it was so much worse! I was so sore and could not even sit down easily. Each move I made was hard. I was so SORE! My trainer text me wanting to set up an appointment for the upcoming week. I told him sure if I can move by then. I said my trainer tried to kill me!  He first asked me if I had knee pain. I told him no just muscle soreness and stiffness. He replied by saying good, I'm happy. I have learned that feeling sore is not a bad thing, it is actually quite the opposite. It is a good thing. It only means that I am on the road to feeling stronger. So I will be off to training this week and we will see what Chris has in store for me.


It is important to remember the old saying  " Mind over matter" .  I believe that there is so much truth to it. No matter what you might be working towards in life, weight loss, exercise, improving your health, personal goals basically anything you are trying to improve upon, those words are golden. Our minds are strange things. Little voices live inside of them that are always so happy to pop in with doubt when we are going through situations. Just remember to shut them out. We all have the strength inside to achieve what we desire. Tell that voice that says you can't to take a back seat and then show it you can!

Fresh from my Garden Friday......

I thought it would be fun to share some recipes on my blog that my family enjoys. I know that I have been lucky enough to find very good recipes on other blogs. The recipe that I am going to share today is so EASY!!!!!!! If you like zucchini then this is the perfect recipe for you. I love having a garden. When I was growing up we would go up to Vancouver, Canada to visit our relatives. My Aunt and Uncle had this wonderful garden. It took up a large corner in their yard. For my sister and brother and I it was something really neat because we didn't have a garden. Now to be honest with you I do not recall everything that was in their garden but it was really neat. I knew that when I grew up that it is definitely something that I would like to have in my yard. Having a garden is a lot of work. My garden is relatively small. It takes a lot of time to tend to it but I find the rewards of fresh vegetables far out weigh the time and care that I have to put into it. Yesterday I came in with these beauties! I had already chopped some of my basil prior to taking this picture. My basil is actually inside on my kitchen counter. I love basil and how it tastes and smells.

  I knew with zucchini like this exactly what I was going to make for dinner. I made chicken parmesan and baked zucchini topped with freshly grated parmesan cheese. My kitchen smelled heavenly!! When I was growing up my Mom would always buy fresh parmesan cheese and we would grate it and keep it in the refrigerator. There is nothing like freshly grated parmesan cheese to top off your pasta. Yummy!

To make the baked zucchini I start by lining a cookie sheet with foil. This makes clean up easier. I don't use cooking spray. Several years ago my Mom got me a kitchen gadget called Misto. It is in the above picture on the right hand side. To fill it you use what ever your oil of choice is. Then prior to using it you pump the top up and down and then you spray. It's so simple. I LOVE MY MISTO! After I line the cookie sheet I spray the foil. I cut up my zucchini and lay it out all over the cookie sheet. Next I sprinkle lightly with Sea Salt. Once that is done then I top it all with my freshly grated parmesan cheese. I pop it into the oven and bake it for 30 minutes at 350 degrees. That's it! I told you it was so easy. This is something that my family all enjoy. It is a great side dish to almost any meal.

  This is what it looks like when it comes out of the oven. With my wonderful zucchini coming in fresh from my garden we have been able to enjoy it on a regular basis.  I hope that you will give this simple recipe a try with your family. Let me know if you do and  how everyone liked it.

Getting a little extra help...It's a good thing..

Change.....Well I can say this for sure, change is not always easy. That goes for any change that you might encounter. It can be a small change or a big change. Change is change and everyone goes through things very differently. I figured I am committed to changing things in my life so that I can live a healthier lifestyle. Food is really just a part of that. As I told you before I need to add exercise in order to achieve better health. My trips to the gym started towards the end of March. I would go there and walk on the treadmill . I tried the eliptical machine and couldn't last more than 2 minutes on that thing! That was a very discouraging feeling. I noticed while I was there walking on the treadmill that there were several people working out with Personal Trainers. That is something that was intimidating to me. It is definitely something that I was not comfortable with. As I began to go into the gym a little bit more I began to get curious. I had a friend that worked in the sales office and I asked her about this one guy that I would see when I would go in. He would always say hi and comment on my Disney shirts. I had thought about just asking him a few questions to see if I might be able to learn a little bit more of the ins and outs of the gym and possibly what would be the best form of exercise for me. I ended up getting a phone call from Mark and he wanted me to come in and talk to him. I agreed. I ended up there on a Saturday morning. He walked me through a half hour work out. To be very honest with you I was pretty sure he was trying to kill me! After the work out we went into his office and talked. He asked me if I had any goals for myself. I told him that I did and we talked about them. He talked to me about the way in which having a Personal Trainer could help me reach my goals. I listened and thought about it and then decided that he was right. I knew that if I wanted to see some progress in myself, if I wanted to reach the goals that I had set for myself then I needed somebody to help me. I am not comfortable in the gym and know nothing about the benefits of the treadmill or the other machines in the gym. So I took a leap of faith and signed up that day. He told me that he was going to set me up with a great trainer. He assured me that the fit would be the perfect fit for me and my needs. So off I went on my way home. I'm not going to kid you I was more than a bit nervous about what I had just signed up for.

My very first session with my Personal Trainer was set up for Monday morning April 8th at 10:30. I really was not looking forward to it because I was very nervous and very sore from the session that I had with Mark a couple days prior to this. I had absolutely no idea what to expect. I arrived at the gym and went to the office where I met my Personal Trainer. His name is Chris. We spoke for a little bit prior to starting the work out. He asked me about myself and if I had any goals. I told him of 3 very specific and detailed goals that I had. He looked at me and confidently said " Awesome! We will get you there! " I had a good feeling about him right off the bat. We proceeded with our first session. I am not going to kid you it was HARD! My body used muscles it never knew it had. Chris spoke with me about the importance of cardio like the treadmill but also spoke of the importance of the other things he was going to have me working on. Things I never knew. I was feeling like I had made the right choice for myself asking for this extra help.

Once I got home from my first session with Chris I felt good. I felt sore but I felt good. I knew that I had put my foot forward to help myself achieve my goals and also help myself to a healthy lifestyle. I started a routine for myself of going to the gym. I am a list maker. I love lists. I love the feeling of having something to do on my list and then crossing it off once I have accomplished it. I made going to the gym a priority on my list. I knew that I had to do this so that I would start to feel better and see some progress for myself. At first it was HARD. It started to get a bit easier each day that I would go. I started to lose that uncomfortable feeling that I had at the beginning. Each week when I would meet Chris for my Personal Training session he would have me work on something new in addition to what we had worked on the week before. I always keep a positive attitude during training. Sometimes things are very hard for me. I am so out of shape. There are times that I can find myself thinking Oh my gosh this is impossible! I can not let those thoughts linger in my mind.

I knew very early on that Mark had chosen the perfect trainer for me. We had a few things in common one being my very favorite place on this entire planet, Disneyland. We talk about Disneyland often. When I am at the gym working out and it is not a day that I have a session if Chris is there and sees me he will come over and check in with me. If he doesn't have anyone he will always tell me that when I am finished with the treadmill I can come and he will work on other stuff with me. I think this is awesome! He does this on his own time because he just wants to help his clients out. Did I mention to you that he is awesome? Most days after I am at the gym I am so sore. As the day moves on into evening I can hardly move. This shows me as a daily reminder how out of shape that I am in. I am not expecting any miracle cures. It took me a long time to get into this shape and it feels awful. I know it is going to take me a LONG time to get out of this shape too.I try to remember this as I get up to walk up my stairs and have to move like I am an 85 year old woman. I just have to keep focused on the thought that with each day I will continue to take steps towards a healthier life.

I am feeling better with each day that passes. I am trying to stay focused on my 3 main goals. I keep them up front in my mind each and everyday. The goals that I am working towards will take hard work and dedication.I will talk more about my goals in another post. I know though that with each step that I take and with each little change that I make on a daily basis it will all lead me down the path to good health.