Slow and steady win the race.....

In today's world filled with fast food, fast internet, fast everything it is very easy to expect everything to have a fast pace. It's human nature. People want what they want and they want it now. My children all lead active lives. It is my job to take good care of them and meet their needs. I enjoy being a Mom. There is nothing that I love more that being their Mom. When I was growing up I always knew that I wanted to be a housewife and a Mom. I learned from the best! My Mom is AWESOME! Being a Mom is not for the weak hearted. It is the toughest job in the world but also the most rewarding. All 3 of my girls often are very impatient for what they want. They want what they want and they want it now a lot of times. I get that. Again it is the whole human nature thing. Over the years I have tried to teach them that fast is not always the way to go. Sometimes we have to take slower steps and work towards whatever it might be that they were striving for. It is not always an easy point to get them to see or understand. As an adult there are times I don't understand it. I mean shouldn't results come really fast if you are working really hard? Well simply put the answer to that is a great big NO! 

I have been working very hard over the past 4 months to change my life. It is not an easy thing to do. It takes EVERYTHING that I have inside each and every day. I have very good days and then I also have very hard days. It goes with the territory with any big change you might be working on. For some people watching what they eat is never hard. Some people don't even have to think about what goes on their plate everyday. I am NOT one of those people. Food for me is something that I have to plan out. I have to plan ahead for everything throughout my day. I am on the run transporting my daughter to and from school as well as various activities and I can not be without a plan. I make sure I do not leave the house hungry because that NEVER turns out good! I find myself having good weeks and  S-L-O-W weeks. I don't want to call them bad weeks because that isn't the right word for it. I have not slipped backwards on my journey. I have to remember that the weeks that I might consider S-L-O-W are still weeks that there is progress. If you remember from back when I started my blog I said the the number on the scale was just a number. I will not be defined by a number. All that still holds true. I think that in this fast paced life it is natural to want to see results right now. It is hard to be patient sometimes.

How many people have been hooked on getting to a certain number on the scale??? I can tell you with great certainty it is most people. The world we live in stresses the scale and the numbers on it. We all see the models, the movie stars, the singers and people in magazines that are thin. We all hear about this new medication or this new procedure that offers ways of getting to that "number" quickly. In most cases it is all a scam. A way for these companies to make a quick buck off of people. There are many, many people that have to resort to surgical procedures as a way to help save their lives. Society would have people believe that being that certain number on the scale is what is acceptable. It is what everyone should be. I am here to tell you that is simply a bunch of hog wash! Who is ANYBODY to tell others what number on the scale they should be?

I can tell you from my own experience that I have allowed others over the years to make me feel less than  because I was not at what they considered to be an acceptable number on the scale. It is not a very good feeling. I made the decision a few months back that I was only going to concern myself with how I feel health wise. I was not going to be at war with the scale as I had been so many times before. The scale is a heartless witch! You can work like crazy and it will NOT move sometimes. It's as if once you step on it and settle in it shouts right up at you " HAHAHAHAHA" Well I refuse to let that happen to me this time! There are weeks that I see the scale move and then there are weeks that I don't. I had to learn to be OK with that. I had to trust myself with how I was feeling physically. I had to get in tune with my body. I also had to come up with a different way to measure my progress.

I decided that the best way for me to monitor my progress was to keep a journal. I started writing my weight each week. I only get on that scale once a week. I know many people get on it more than that but for me I will not do that. I also keep a journal of my exercise and of my food and water intake. I also keep my measurements. I have found that the truest way to mark my progress is from my measurements. I have seen progress over the course of this journey. It is a great feeling when I find that I can do something at the gym that I have never been able to do before. That is a great feeling of accomplishment. My Doctor told me that even though people want to see weight loss results quickly he does not. He says the faster you lose the weight the quicker it can come back as well as extra weight. If there is one thing I do not want or need is extra weight!He said that losing weight too quickly is not good for your health. He told me that a slow and steady approach to weight loss is the key. He said " Slow and steady wins the weight loss race!"

I feel that change, no matter what change you might be working towards, it is a process. It can sometimes be a slow process. To me progress slow or otherwise is progress! What ever your personal journey is just remember to keep going.  Don't give up!

Making progress.....it's such a good feeling!!

This journey towards a healthy lifestyle is definitely not always an easy one. It is one that requires so much dedication and hard work. In the end though it will be worth every single ounce of sweat. Once I am actually at the point of reaching my goal I know that it will not stop there. This new way will be THE WAY for me from here on out. I am finding that even the smallest of changes can have a big impact on how I feel. Whether it is something small like not adding extra salt to my food or something on a much larger scale for me like exercising they all add up to me feeling better physically. That is what I am striving for. As I have said from the beginning of my journey I am not trying to get down to a certain number on the scale. That is not what this is all about. I am trying to get to a point where I feel comfortable with myself day in and day out. I am trying to get to a place where I feel physically well not sluggish and tired all of the time. I do not like the feeling of trying to do basic things and being winded. I just want to feel healthy. I am NOT going to let a number on the scale define me. I am far better than some number on the scale. There are many people that have a small number on the scale and they are very unhealthy. Don't get me wrong I am trying to lose weight, trying very hard actually. I just want people to understand that getting down to a certain number is far less important to me than feeling healthy and comfortable with myself.

Today I set off for the gym and my training session with Chris. I always look forward to my sessions. I am never 100 % sure of exactly what he is going to have me working on when I get there but I always know it will get me closer towards feeling better. Today was a great day. I am not sure that I will be able to describe to you fully what I was feeling but I am going to try. I have my first 5k coming up in a little over 5 weeks. I have told you before that I am not a runner. That is always something that I find funny considering what my goals are. When I first started practicing a few things with Chris and he wanted me to run from one side of the room to another it didn't go very well. In fact I nearly fell flat on my face. I am pretty sure I scared the heck out of him that day. I know I scared the heck out of myself. I felt defeated. I mean aren't our bodies made to run, skip and jump?  I am here to tell you the answer to that is definitely NO!!!!! Running is hard. I felt so defeated that day. I felt like there is no way I am going to be able to do this. Chris was not going to let me leave that session feeling defeated. He had me work on some different things that I could do. I have told you before he is an awesome trainer. With each week that passes I just keep working and working towards getting better at the things he is teaching me. Today Chris explained what he was going to have me do. He had a circut set up and I was going to do so many reps and then a quick break and then repeat this same thing for a total of 3 times. I always give it my best shot. Each time though I tire and am completely out of breath at the end where I am actually a bit freaked out because I can not breath. Today that changed..... Today was completely different. Today I could actually see my progress!!!!! I was able to talk to him while performing all of the exercises which I have NEVER been able to do before. Today my form was better and I didn't feel like I was going to pass out when I was done. Today it didn't take me nearly as long to recover in between sets. TODAY WAS AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I could not accomplish this last week. To see myself progress is such an amazing feeling. To see my hard work pay off is wonderful. Today I saw myself do things that I could not physically do 2 weeks ago. Chris told me that he wanted me to take in how I was feeling and to remember it. He kept telling me what an awesome job I did today and what a difference he could see in me. He will always give me a fist bump as a sign of a job well done. Today was great because I knew I really earned those fist bumps. 

With every step of my journey to this point my body has been changing both inside and out. There are days that I can hardly move because of the hard work I have put in to this. There are days that I can hardly make it up the stairs and I feel like I am a 90 year old woman. Those days are good days even though I feel like I have been run over by a bus. On days like that it makes me realize that I have worked very hard and my muscles are crying out to me " WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?????" Then there are days like today. Days that I can actually see myself making progress. These are the days I love most. It gives me a mental boost. I think we all need a nice mental boost now and then.

No matter what your particular journey is in life it is important to take time and celebrate your victories no matter how big or how small they might be. A victory is a victory. I think that it is important to remember that change happens slowly in most cases. Slow is good.  Be sure to take it all in. Take a deep breath and do not lose sight of how this feels. When days don't go as easily look back on days like this and know that one day soon progress will be made. In the words of Dori, just keep swimming, just keep swimming! 

Wedding plans in full swing....Now came the day I had been DREADING!!!!!!!

My daughter's wedding is fast approaching. It is a very exciting time for all of us. The wedding planning is so much fun. I went shopping with her several months ago for her wedding gown. It was just the two of us. It was such a special day. I have to say that watching her come out and show me each gown was a very emotional feeling. My little girl has grown up! How did this happen? She is getting married. I took lots of pictures of her in each gown. Front views, side views, back views.  Taking pictures, lots of pictures no matter what the event is just what I do. We were having a great time. Then it happened....out she came in THE DRESS!!!!!!! We both knew right away that it was the dress she was meant to wear. It was almost as if this dress was made especially for her. It is absolutely BEAUTIFUL! We both felt good that we were able to find the dress and get it ordered. Other than the venue this was the most important thing on our list.

With time ticking away I knew this dreaded day would come. The day that I would have to actually go and try on Mother of the Bride dresses. On any given day I do not enjoy shopping. It is something that makes me feel so bad about myself. When I was not over weight I loved to go shopping for clothes. It was always fun. Being a Plus Size person does not offer you the best choices in clothes or styles. I have been very worried about what I would find for the wedding. I know that I did not want it to look tent like at all. I want the dress that I choose to be pretty. I want to feel comfortable wearing it. 

I have been very committed to trying to lose weight and get healthy. I have lost weight and size. I have taken several bags of clothes that no longer fit me because they are too big to The Goodwill. That is always a great feeling! Even though I am having success with my weight I was still very nervous about having to shop for a dress for the wedding. The other day we were looking at the calendar. With just 4 months left until the wedding we knew we had to make a final choice on the bridesmaid dresses and the girls would have to get them ordered and that I would have to find a Mother of the Bride Dress and get it ordered. So here it is...the day that I have been dreading. It has come up and hit me smack dab in the face. Oh well what could I do but just go with it. Tiffany, Holly and I made our way out to check out the Bridal Shops. Any day that I can spend time with any of my girls is always a good day. We walked into the Bridal Shop and looked at the Bridesmaid dresses and decided on the one that Tiffany had previously chosen. She ended up just deciding to go with a different color. Holly tried on a Junior Bridesmaid dress but they are just to small for her. We ended up going with the same dress as the rest of the girls but just adding a little something different. Now it was my turn......I asked about where I should look. The lady pointed me to the section dedicated to Mother of the Bride dresses. I looked and asked if they had a Plus Size section. I was told that there were a few mixed in with all the rest. I was thinking WHAT? A FEW!! I know for sure that I am not the only Mother of the Bride that wears a plus size. So off I went. Looking through each dress. Then it happened I saw a beautiful dress. I looked through each size. The largest one was still 2 sizes below what I am wearing. I took it off the rack anyways. Then I found another dress that was one size below what I was wearing. I thought what the heck I will try these. I put on the first dress and to my surprise it fit me pretty well with the exception that it didn't zip up all the way.  I had Holly come in and help me. Her expression was AWESOME! She said Oh my gosh Mommy this looks beautiful on you! I am not going to lie, that made me feel pretty good. When I came out to show Tiffany she smiled very big. She really loved it!  When  I looked at myself in the mirror I actually smiled. I kept looking at myself standing there. I kept thinking to myself " Wow I didn't think this was possible! It was 2 sizes smaller than  I am currently wearing!" I went back in and proceeded to try on the second dress, the one that was a larger size. It was a very nice looking dress on the hanger and this one fit me with the zipper all the way up but it looked very old fashioned. It didn't suit me. After trying the dresses on the lady at the store told me that I would be fine if I waited to order my dress in a few weeks. So that is my plan. I am going to go back in and place my order in a couple of weeks. I feel very excited about it. I was so happy that the experience was a good one and was totally different than I had anticipated. What a fun day we had!

The main thing that I am finding on my journey towards a healthier lifestyle is that things take time. Nothing happens over night. The body is such a wonderful thing.  It is ever changing. Sometimes the changes are not good but other times the changes are amazing. I feel very proud of what I am accomplishing with the changes I have been making.  I have read many times before that you didn't gain the weight overnight and you aren't going to lose the weight overnight. It is very true. Sometimes when we are working towards a goal we just want it to be accomplished already. That is just human nature. I am learning to embrace very, very small changes as if they are big ones. Change is change no matter what the size. If you are working on changing things, anything in your life these words are ones to keep in mind.

I have grown to love water. It is the main thing that I drink. I enjoy drinking tea as well. I am also a Ryan Gosling fan. This picture makes me smile. If you are familiar with the Hey Girl pictures and quotes this is just another one of them. 

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With every day that passes we are enjoying more and more wedding preparations. It is hard to believe that in 4 months all of this planning will come to an end and the big day will have come and gone. I feel very good about the upcoming events because the thing that I had been dreading the most turned out to have a very nice outcome.

Committing to your goals and finding the strength inside to achieve them.....It's scary.......It's even scarier to let others know exactly what your goals are!

When I first started my blog I spoke about dreams. I think that dreams come in all different shapes and sizes. Some are easily obtained while others take much time and blood, sweat and tears. They vary from person to person. Also the way in which we choose to share are dreams differ greatly from person to person. When I embarked on this journey of change and striving to achieve a healthier lifestyle I made 3 very specific goals. I have only shared these goals with a small group of people. I did not want to disclose my dreams only to fail. I have failed many times in the past at many different things. I am certain that we all have. I am not alone in this category.  I just needed to get to a place where I felt comfortable sharing my goals with others. I first shared these goals with my husband and daughters. I was a little bit nervous because they have seen me succeed but they have also seen the other side. When I told them they were all very happy and very supportive. The next step for me was when I signed up  with my Personal Trainer. At my first meeting with him he asked me if I had any goals. I told him all 3 goals. While we were talking he commented that I had 3 goals all with 3 specific dates. He told me that is a good thing. It helps to have specifics when working towards things. It took me a much longer time to get to this point. The point that I am ready to share my goals with others. I first knew that I needed to share this with my family. I had an opportunity recently to share this with my parents and my brother and sister-in-law and then shortly after that with my sister. I was very nervous because as I have mentioned before these people have lived my life with me and heard me say countless times how I was working to lose weight and the end result was always the same, failure. Well this time failure is NOT an option. 

The goals that I have set for myself are ones that I am totally NOT comfortable with. I have actually never done anything like it before.  The road to making these goals a reality is a VERY, VERY LONG ROAD!  It requires so much time and dedication to get there. It is also something that I know  means so much to me. The first thing you should know before I fill you in on my goals is that I am not a runner. I never have been. My brother is the runner of the family. He is an AWESOME runner. He has run in the Boston Marathon 3 times not to mention countless other marathons. That being said when I actually set my goals I knew that I was way outside my comfortable box. When meeting with my Trainer that first day he asked me about my goals. This is what I told him. I have 3 specific goals. I named them off for him in date order.

1. I want to run in the Peace Officer Memorial 5k in honor of my friend CHP Officer Earl Scott. That date is September 22, 2013.

2. I want to feel comfortable with myself and feel comfortable in pictures at my daughter's wedding. That date is December 7, 2013.

3. I want to run  in the Tinkerbell Half Marathon. That date is january 19. 2014.

My trainer looked at me and said with complete confidence, " AWESOME!" We are going to get you there! He is very supportive but also works me very hard. The picture from below is one that makes me laugh because  it basically suited me. I saw it on my friends blog and I knew that I was going to use it here.  I also want to say to my friends that may be reading this, I was not trying to keep my goals a secret. To me I had to feel comfortable with myself before I felt comfortable enough to share this. You all know that I am not exactly the poster girl for any of these things. I knew that none of you would be judgmental. It is just a really big commitment for me and I needed to get to this point before I could share this.

For those of you that might not know much about me I wanted to share why these specific goals are so important to me. First of all, as I am sure is the case with all of you, my family means everything to me. They are the reason I do everything that I do. So obviously the upcoming wedding is something that means the world to me. I am also a very proud Law Enforcement wife. My husband has been a Law Enforcement Officer since I met him. It has always been our life. It is a life that has brought us great joy, great friends and sadly, great sorrow. Our friend was murdered in the line of duty. Last year a very good friend of mine ran in the Peace Officer Memorial Run to honor him. I was at the finish line as she finished. To say that she inspired me is a complete under statement. I know just how emotional it was for her. I also knew how hard she worked to run in this race. I decided right then and there that I knew it was something that I wanted to participate in. I was not sure when I would do it but I knew that I wanted to. Lastly running in the Tinkerbell Half Marathon, this is a HUGE one for me. I actually spoke about wanting to do this on my old blog nearly 2 years ago. I happened to be in Disneyland for the CHA Convention a couple of years ago when they ran the Innagural Tinkerbell Half Marathon. I LOVE all thing Disney. Disneyland is my most favorite place to be on this entire planet. I have Disney way down deep in my soul. It is as much a part of me as breathing is. That is why I wanted to participate in this event. 

I realize that the goals I have set out for myself are big ones. I have to remain positive and think that I can do this! When I told my parents and brother and sister in law what my goals were I wanted them to know that I was serious about this. It was not something that I was going to just say I wanted to do and then never follow through. I told them how proud that I am of all of them. I said I just wanted to do something so that they would be proud of me. To me it was emotional. I felt good though because I got it out. I told them what I was working towards. They are all very supportive of me.

I am sure that there will be some people that think I will never be able to do this. I can't let those few stop me or discourage me. I have to believe in myself. I have to know without a doubt that no matter what anybody else thinks or feels I am doing this. There is no stopping me.  I decided that now is the right time to talk about this. I have officially signed up for both the Peace Officer Memorial 5k and the Tinkerbell Half Marathon! This is HUGE for me!!!!!

I am in no way shape or form a runner. Running is HARD!!!!!!!!!! I hope that I can continue down the path towards my goals and with each step of the way get a little bit better. I hope that maybe there might be somebody that reads this blog and can draw a little inspiration from it. In life I think that everyone is going through something maybe not the same something as I am but still something. I have found that making changes can be very scary. I think for me letting other people know is even scarier. I will do my best and that's all I can do.